


SECRET AGENT MAN

by SchweenWinchester



Category: Psychonauts
Genre: Comedy, Humor, M/M, THE BEST, bar NONE, beyond the fact that theyre literally the best part of the game, idk what to tell you guys, if you dont love the g-men we can't be friends, nothing but dialogue, seriously tho g men are the BEST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 13:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/992608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SchweenWinchester/pseuds/SchweenWinchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like the G-Men?  Like filthy stupid drabbles written at 3 am while totally bored?</p><p>Welp, here you go.</p><p>Please do not publish this work elsewhere.  My intention is for it to remain AO3 exclusive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SECRET AGENT MAN

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this like almost a year ago and totally forgot about it until now, womp womp

"I am a gay porn star.  My genitals are prodigious."

"I, too, am a gay porn star, though I am not a homosexual.  I hope the other gay porn stars will not laugh at me if they find out."

"I will keep your secret, fellow gay porn star.  We are brothers in arms."

"I am a fluffer.  Though my job is considered undesirable by many, I enjoy working behind the scenes."

"Though what is known as ‘bareback’ is extremely popular, I have chosen to work for a studio that specializes in the careful use of condoms to prevent the spread of diseases such as HIV and AIDS."

"Safety is our number one priority.  That is why we use large amounts of lubrication."

"Anal prolapse, while a fetish for some, is not something that we as gay porn stars enjoy."

"I enjoy dirty talk during sexual intercourse on camera."

"I am what is normally known as a ‘top,’ though this time I will be penetrated.  Please be careful when inserting your genitals into my anus to prevent tearing."

"I will be gentle, though I will make our penetrative act look rough for the camera."

"I am a cameraman.  Though my job is not exciting, I take pride in my work."

"Though our work is geared towards a male audience, many women also enjoy our films."

"Despite what some people may say, I do not feel that my sexual proclivities are an abomination.  To quote noted pop singer Lady Gaga, I was born this way."

"Please do not mention Lady Gaga.  I take issue with her treatment of transgender people and her casual racism, though she poses herself as an activist."

"I will respect your wishes, fellow porn star.  Let us continue the scene before my erectile tissue becomes less turgid."

"Oh.  Oh.  Oh diety of my preference.  Oh."

"Yes.  Take it.  Take it hard, fellow gay porn star."

"I am going to ejaculate presently."

"As am I.  Let us consider this a solidification of our bond as porn stars and co-workers."

"Please fondle my nipples to maximize my pleasure during the ejaculatory moment."

"I am currently filling your colon with my semen, though I cannot impregnate you."

"Affirmative, fellow gay porn star.  The sensation is pleasant."

"Many will find our work to be sexually stimulating, though others do not enjoy it.  We respect their preferences."

"We are tested for sexually transmitted diseases and infections on a regular basis to maximize the safety of our co-workers."


End file.
